My husband and I have been married for over 2 years now and for a year and half of that we have been trying to get pregnant. Before Christmas we found out we were pregnant with our first child. One week later we lost that baby. This post is not intended to be a pity party. So please, no one cry for me… I do enough of it myself. But I hope it is a wake-up call.
On Facebook it seems like a daily onslaught of someone else being pregnant; a friend, a colleague, that girl that was the high school bully. Gag me. All of it makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon and go off the grid for 2 years.
Seriously though I want to be happy for all of you. And up until a few weeks ago, I was.
When my friends told me they were pregnant I was thrilled for them. But at the same time it hurt. I hate to rain on their parade but it does. No matter how happy you are for them there is a part of it that hurts for someone that has had trouble getting pregnant.
3 of my closest girlfriends either had their second baby or are pregnant with their second. All we have are two fur babies. One of which likes to bite the UPS man and the other likes to tear anything he leaves into 1 inch by 1 inch pieces. Sometimes I wonder how we ever got so lucky.
When you post daily about your latest sonogram, the sex of your baby, how your pants do not fit anymore, those of us that are trying like crazy to get pregnant loose a little piece of their soul. Do you know what I would give to have my pants not fit because I’m pregnant? Instead my pants don’t fit because I am eating my way through the grocery store’s candy isle each month we have a negative pregnancy test.
The constant onslaught of pregnancy related posts is getting way too extreme. It is everywhere I look on here and it feels like it is a competition for everyone. When really I just want 5 minutes out of my day where I am not thinking about it constantly. Wondering why it just will not happen for us.
I do not mind seeing those nursery pictures or the growing baby belly or your newborn once a week or less often. But when I see it daily it breaks my heart and makes me want to block you from my newsfeed. Lucky you, you tried for 3 months and got pregnant. Must be nice. I am sorry but I do not want it thrown in my face daily. So do not be offended if I do not like everything or comment on it. Hell, be happy if I don’t immediately scroll past it.
Have you ever noticed the girlfriend you know that had trouble does not post a whole lot? Most of my friends that were in a similar position as us have just posted an announcement and then post some pregnancy related things occasionally. There is a reason…. Because they have been here. Watching everyone else get that bundle of joy and sitting on the sidelines with nothing but more fertility drugs and tests.
I really do want to see how adorable your baby is. Or when you find out the sex of your baby. I do not want to see 18 million maternity pictures, every detail of your nursery or how much you hate your fat feet. I know social media makes it so easy to share your entire life, but please, take it easy because not every one is as lucky as you are.
My name is HELEN PAUL i live in U S A, and am married for 15years without conceiving or get pregnant until the issue resolved to problem in my home, i was really worried and bothered because i don’t want to loose my husband to another woman. i have went to hospital, the doctor told me that i cant get pregnant again i thought have lost my husband already and i have lost hope and faith until one day that a very good friend of my introduce me to DR MANBELA of the greet manbelaspelltemple of black power i contacted him through his email MANBELASPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM. until when i give DR MANBELA a try which make me to be happy today. now have giving birth to twins a boy and a girl. and my husband now love me more than before. so that’s while i will have to share the good work of DR MANBELA, i pray that my God will reward you for me for bringing smile to my face once again. if you are in need of any help contact him manbelaspelltemple@gmail.com
Ashley,
I agree with you whole heartedly. I’m sure I overwhelm people with pictures of my dog, the farm and whatever else but the babies…… Oh so many babies, people. Whatever happened to privacy for your family? I cringe everytime I see a sonogram or newborn pic as someone’s profile. That’s just a red flag for creeps to say, “Hey, this person has a baby I can steal.”
Then I think about people in your situation. And I think about people in mine. I don’t know if I’m fertile or not. We’ve never tried. I’ve never wanted to try and for that, I hate myself…. Because what if I can and someone like you would give anything to?
Babies are tough for me. I don’t get happy when I see them come across my newsfeed. I get angry at myself for not wanting one. I get angry at the person for posting something baby related every. single. day.
Everything happens for a reason.
And remember, it’s okay to be upset when others are happy. It’s human. We all want. We all need. We all feel.
Thank you for such an honest comment Kelly. I think that if a baby isn’t your thing, then that’s okay. For years I didn’t want kids. I was very passionate about it too. In my case, it turned out I hadn’t found a guy that I wanted to have kids with. When I met my husband I could see it all and I wanted to have kids. But at the same time I wasn’t in a hurry. We were married for a little while before I was ready. Now I look back and think, “What were we so worried about? Obviously it wasn’t going to happen.”
I don’t think you should feel the pressure to have a baby because of people like me. I respect everyone’s decisions and opinions and I feel zero resentment toward couples that decide they don’t want to have kids. It is what it is. We play the cards we are dealt and do the best we can.
This is a really great post, and it’s so refreshing to me that you posted it! We aren’t trying yet, but it still gets on my nerves to see those daily preggers posts from certain people. Heck, I even feel jealous when the 68th person of the day announces their pregnancy, and I don’t even have any right to be! I’ve seen firsthand how hard it is for people who struggle with this so I’m a little more sensitive that others, some people really just don’t get it! I’m keeping you in my prayers that you’ll have that little one soon! Hugs!
Thank you so much for your comment. I really did love reading it. Sadly, I think it has become less about enjoying pregnancy and more about the number of likes they can get. We have also had a rash of people announcing their pregnancy too. It was every day for about 2 weeks. After the miscarriage it was making me crazy! Thank you for the prayers. We are feeling all of the love from across the country 🙂
Very well said. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
Thank you so much Pamela!
I think it is similiarly something to think about with lots of overwhelmingly joyous events. Sharing great happiness is something we want to do, but on what frequency, etc is a bit harder. It is the same thing with feeling bad. When a friend is always on cloud 9 or always having a really hard time, I don’t know when there is just normalcy.
Thinking of you girl!
I totally agree! It is hard where people just don’t have normalcy on Facebook. It becomes too much.
Well you worded it very eloquently and it needed to be said – I know it’s a long road, but now your friends and family can give you support and be more conscientious about their blind “rants” that others would be desperate for. I am just so proud of you!!!! xoxoxo
Awe Beth, you are too kind. I honestly was mad yesterday, I wrote it out and said yup I’m going to post it.
Friend. This is a great post. I love a good honest post. I think much on social media these days is over shared. I admire your strength and am thinking of you guys during this difficult time. I have no advice bc I only understand how the cow reproductive cycle works :). When all else fails stick a cidr in it. Ha!
Thank you Taysha. It is easy over share everything on social media and sometimes it gets frustrating. Funny you should mention a CIDR, I put on a drug that acts exactly like a CIDR. Leave it to me to read to see what it is and then realize it’s the same as that.
I love this Ashley!!! Thank you for being so honest and open. It’s a super touchy subject and you are awesome for writing this!
Thank you Jessica! I appreciate your support. Because it really could have gone the other way and I offended everyone.
this is such a great post – I admire how open you are and truly appreciate your honesty. You are right that it’s the people who’ve been through loss that post the least when they do have success. It’s a good reminder to be compassionate and humble about “I’m so fat because I’ve got a baby growing in me” posts. You’re so brave and I’m so happy you shared this; but I’m also heartbroken that you have to experience this pain and emotional roller coaster. Thank you for writing about it. Sending you and Eric hugs during this craptastic time.
Awe Beth, you are so sweet. And craptastic is a phenomenal way to describe it. I know there is a reason for it, it just really is hard to understand why. I will say that through it all, we have become stronger as a couple. I just hope this opens some people’s eyes to what they are saying because there are many of us sitting silent that would give anything to be in their shoes.