A note from Ashley: I will start out by saying this, I am not experienced in parenthood. I am not out to make anyone mad and I am not trying to tell you (the parents) how to do your job. This is totally my opinion. As someone who wants to be a parent some day that enjoys working I know I will deal with guilt of being a working mom. So I decided to write this after seeing some other friend’s opinions on the internet.
During the past few weeks I have been reading a lot on Facebook about how my friends hated the fact that their dads or parents worked a lot. It caused me to reflect on this because we all know time is precious and we never know how long we have. But on the other side of the coin, I enjoy working. Which I would guess is similar to these parents my Facebook friends are referring to. I am not ashamed to say that if I was a Stay Home Parent I would go crazy. And honestly, I don’t know how you do it and give you all the credit in the world.
The matriarch of our family, our mother and father.
So here it is:
My dad worked a lot.
And I mean a lot.
My parents did not go to college. My parents went to the school of learning from experience. When I was young my mother was a stay at home mom who also worked on the farm and my dad worked full time on the farm. Once us kids were in school she started working full time on the farm with my dad.
My parents always had goals and lofty ones at that. My dad had business goals which have allowed them to be where they are today. Comfortably living their 2 year old dream house (which is really a one story ranch that they built… not a mansion) with a business that has allowed them and their children to live a comfortable, but not indulged life. Getting there was not easy. My dad has many stories about how he would be out in the barn at midnight breeding a cow, while everyone else was in bed.
Even just a few years ago, I remember him coming home at midnight from planting a field that needed to be planted and time was running short. My dad was such a hard worker and he did it to give us a better life. He did it so my husband and I have the chance to raise our children on the farm.
This is where it all began with me! The memories with the family.
He had goals and he knew sacrifices needed to be made. He knew they wouldn’t be forever but at the beginning he sacrificed it for today’s life. The ironic thing was, I don’t remember feeling like my dad wasn’t around. Maybe there were days I missed him, but I don’t remember feeling like he was missing in my life. I know he was working just outside on the farm but we didn’t go out and do chores with him too often. But I never felt like I suffered from a “lack” of my father’s attention.
I think this is why: We always ate dinner as a family. The only time we didn’t eat as a family was if he was behind planting or harvesting or a true emergency happened on the farm.
I know, I am not a parent. My husband and I hope to be some day and he often mentions how I work too much and he will be the one going to our children’s events. I guess I do have a little bit of my dad in me. But I think it all about balancing. And I’m not saying selling the cows and getting a “normal” job is the key.
I believe it’s easy as taking 30 minutes to an hour out of your day and having family time, like a family dinner. I have so many memories of us talking, laughing and sharing our days around the dinner table. My parents always asked us how our day went and what happened. It didn’t matter that my dad wasn’t around a lot because he was working. We always knew we had that time each day to spend as a family.
Did my parents make it to every volleyball game, FFA competition or band concert? No, but did they make it to a lot of them? Yes. Growing up we understood that our dad just worked a lot. It was necessary to keep the farm running. But he never let it get in the way of the important things. We took vacations, even if it was one 3 day weekend a year. There is that balance thing. We didn’t take a lot of vacations but when we did they were special.
I don’t think it’s always the amount of time you spend with your kids, as much as the quality of time. When we spent time with my parents we had their undivided attention. We knew how much they loved us and we had fun together. I can only imagine how difficult it was for my parents to learn the balancing act of working to give your family the life you want and remembering that life is short. But they did it and I think that any parent can do it if they make it a priority.
By working hard to provide your family with a stable living is very important. Sometimes that means we make sacrifices and have to miss some memories. That 30 minutes a day, even on the busiest day, could mean the world to them and they will never forget it.
