My husband and I have been going through that big scary thing called infertility as you probably know if you have read this post and this other post. Today is the start of National Infertility Awareness Week so I wanted to share some tips with you. I will preface this by saying we do not have all the answers. There are a lot of things we have not experienced and we do not have it as bad as we could. But either way, struggling with infertility is a hard thing. It is hard to find people who understand, it is hard to figure out what to do and it is hard physically and emotionally.
Today I am sharing some tips I have gathered from our time working through infertility so far.
1. You need to understand that whatever you are feeling is normal and OK.
Whether it is jealousy, sadness, depression, anger or understanding; you are allowed to deal with it in your own way. Do not let anyone tell you differently. We all deal with things in our own way and nothing teaches us that more than something like infertility. Do not feel lost if you have a friend that dealt with it in a completely different manner. That is NORMAL. These un-normal emotions are totally normal. Trust me.
2. Learn to be an advocate for yourself with doctors.
This advice can go for any kind of medical dilemma. Doctors are very busy people. Since they are busy they can accidentally miss pieces of the puzzle or they can accidentally wait too long if you aren’t aggressive enough or make him/her listen. My local OB I started with is an amazing doctor, don’t get me wrong. But I felt like he was missing a big chunk of my history and wasn’t understanding why I was so concerned because I did not see him very often. In his defense he had just lost 2 doctors from his practice and was working alone at the time and trying to find replacements. But, it is still very hard for my husband and I to sit around and wait.
3. Search out advice from others.
Talking to friends can be cathartic. But you might also find out there is someone else in your area that has had a similar problem. That is how I found the specialist we are working to get into. I was talking to a friend who referred me to a friend that had similar issues. After talking with her I realized that I would be crazy to not try to find a specialist. That was one of the best decisions I have made yet in this journey. Not waiting around is a philosophy we have followed this entire time.
4. Find a support system.
Whether virtual or in real life, you need people that love you unconditionally and are there for you to vent to. They don’t need to understand either. After all, only 1 in 8 women understand the struggles of infertility. Most of our friends and family don’t understand from experience. Regardless, they let me cry and talk about how unfair the world is and they nod their heads and agree. They bring me pizza and make me have girl time when I don’t feel like it. They are my sounding board when I am not sure what the next step is. Sadly, not everyone has amazing friends and family like I do. There are tons of Facebook groups, discussion boards and community groups that could help you out. Do not be afraid to seek out help whether virtually or in person.
5. Do something nice for yourself.
Emotionally and physically infertility can take a lot out of you. I know it can seriously be draining between testing and doctoring and worrying and trying to act like everything is great. One of my friends told me that her infertility doctor told her to buy herself a bouquet of flowers for herself and have them in the house all the time. She still to this does it to this day. With all of the stress we put on ourselves, we need to do something nice. Whether it is keeping fresh flowers in your house or going to get a pedicure every month, just do it. You will appreciate it and it is nice to take care of yourself versus always worrying about that little one you are trying to get.
6. Remember that are you are not alone.
Although we are only 1 in 8 couples you are not alone. We are all in this together.
For those who have struggled with infertility too, what are other pieces of advice I might not know? How are you sharing about National Infertility Awareness Week?
You are wonderful, brave, and beautiful inside and out. And I am so proud to call you a friend.
You just made me cry!